Reflections of the colorful lights
hanging above the edge of the lake, glistened in the water below. Cold breeze teased
the pond as the reflection swayed in its ripples. A faint fragrance from lilies
nearby, lingered in the air. Poetic it seemed, the weather, the ambiance and
the colours around him, yet none of it struck a chord with him like she did.
Sitting alone by the lake, content with her own company, she stared into the
abyss of the night sky, losing herself like she always did. He knew it was her,
he couldn’t be wrong. The way she wore her scarf around her neck, the way she
loosely plaited her hair, the way she couldn’t get enough of the night sky and
the way her hands rested on the ground behind her as she looked up, he knew it
was her! He could recognize her with his eyes closed, he didn’t have to see her
face to know it was her! Who else would sit in solace all alone, in the middle
of the night?
His heart raced with every step he
put forward, that took him closer to her. He brushed his hair with his hand
amidst the nervousness and adjusted his jacket again. ‘Had I known I would see
her today after all this while I would have worn something better’ he thought
to himself, surprised at his own sudden interest in grooming. ‘Will she want to
talk to me? Does her face still look the same, with
freckles on her cheek and eyes lined with the darkest of kohl?’ he wondered.
Does her nose still turn red on cold nights? Does she still bite her nails in
excitement?’ he thought to himself as he walked closer, overwhelmed.
A sudden realization dawned on him
as he stood a few steps right behind her. Would she be as happy to meet him as
he was? Would she even consider talking to him or walk away? ‘Am I making a
mistake?’ he thought to himself, standing frozen on the pebbled pathway that
led to her. Standing so close to her, yet not being able to speak to her or
touch her, a familiar pain rushed through his veins. Her presence still brought
the same excitement in him like it did long ago, only this time, it came with
the nervousness of her reaction. A few more steps and everything would change!
Seeing her face again would only make his yearning for her stronger. If she despised him now, the wound that he
foolishly tried hard to heal over a year, would bring in more pain. Despite all
the months that passed by, he could still feel the warmth of her fingers behind
his neck from the last time they kissed. It was what kept him sane on cold
lonely nights. ‘Does she still feel the same way about me as I do about her
even now?’ he wondered. ‘How will I ever move on if I see her again?’ He
laughed almost immediately, knowing too well that he was stuck forever. ‘But
what if she hates me now?’ he thought to himself, quickly turning around. No!
It wasn’t a thought he could bear, let alone face it. He couldn’t ruin his
beautiful memory of them, he just couldn’t! With a heavy heart and swollen
eyes, he decided to walk away, letting beautiful memories be just that.
“I thought you’d sneak up from
behind and close my eyes like you always did” he heard her voice. Swallowing
the lump in his throat, he smiled at the goose bumps she still managed to give
him.
“How did you know it was me?” he
asked as he quickly turned around. ‘Damn! I love her’ he sighed, seeing her
face again. Her eyes still had the same magic in them. Her plait couldn’t tame
the unruly hair that fell on her face. ‘Some things never change I guess’ he
thought to himself as he found a missing piece of his heart in her beckoning
warm smile. She was wearing the same color she did the last time they were
together. This time he hoped, it would mark new beginnings unlike the last
time.
“I just did! She smiled, gesturing
him to sit next to her.
‘What a sweet woman’ he thought to
himself. ‘After all that I did to her,
she still has the same smile for me’ he smiled back, with a pinch of guilt.
“How have you been?” she said,
leaning on to hug him.
All of a sudden, his heart raced
with a sudden rush of emotions. The smell of her hair, the touch of her bare
neck across his, and her hands that held his arms tight, made him want to break
down. ‘How can she continue being so good to me?’ he whimpered, but put on a
brave face. “I’m good!” he lied.
“Remember how we used to dream of
owning a house by the lake” she smiled, ignoring the pain in his eyes. She had
to wait for the right to time to heal it, it wasn’t the right time yet.
“We would all spend our nights by a
fire outside, next to the lake. You and I, and dozens of our kids” he laughed, recollecting
the dreams they had built together.
“Remember how we used to spend days
together in comfortable silence?”
“I never had to think when I was
with you. Even silence seemed beautiful.”
“Remember how we would laugh our
hearts out in the middle of a drive over some silly joke on the radio?” she
chuckled. “You don’t laugh anymore, do you?” she said, noticing the lines on
his forehead and the wrinkles under his eyes.
“Remember how we used to dream of
growing old together?” he said, tears rolling down his eyes, clutching her
hand tighter. It didn’t seem to bother him what she would think of him. He
didn’t care if he looked weak, he didn’t care if it spoiled his image of being
the tough one that he was in the relationship. All he wanted was a chance to
grow old with her again.
“That’s not possible now, is it?” she
whispered, wiping away the tears off his face. He couldn’t imagine how she
found the grace and courage to console the same person who gave her all the pain.
Here she was, trying to make him feel better, when all he hoped was to undo the past and bring her some joy again.
“Let it go now…It’s been a year
already” she said, moving her eyes to the lake again.
“I can’t…” he said, swallowing a
lump in his throat. “I’m the one who brought you here” he said, blood rushing
through his veins remembering the fateful night.
“Let it go now…” she smiled again,
refusing to move her eyes from the lake.
“No! I can’t” he screamed, losing
his cool, as tears rolled down his eyes again. Without saying a word, she wiped
away his tears again. Her calm composure fed the fire of his guilt and pain
further.
His thoughts went rushing back to
the dreadful night exactly a year ago. Oh! He would trade his life to go back
to the night and change it if he could. “You shouldn’t drive, you’re too drunk”
she pleaded yet again, as he got in the car. “I’m not! I only had a few drinks!
You know how good I am behind the wheel. I can manage” he said, stumbling the
key through the ignition hole. “Will you please let me drive?” she pleaded yet
again. She had tried it all, pleading, losing her temper, threatening, but he
wasn’t someone to budge, especially after a few drinks. “Next time baby!” he
kissed her cheeks, and jolted the car with a sudden start. “Slow down!” she
screamed half way through the drive but the adrenaline rush that came with the alcohol
and high speed combined, was worth it he thought. Her worst fear came true when
a speeding truck from the opposite direction took them by shock. He thought he
had his control over the car but a sudden jolt from the piercing light from the
truck, combined with his dizzy head and numerous controls of the car seemed
too much to take. Before he knew it, the car flew off the hilly road next to
the lake, as they tumbled inside the car in shock, unable to handle the painful
blows that came their way. Amidst his fading consciousness and withering pain,
he looked at her one last time. The scarf around her neck was drowned in a
color he wished he hadn’t seen. Her plait that couldn’t tuck in her unruly hair
was withered too. The freckles on her
face were hardly visible through the wounds, tears rolled down the smudged kohl,
as she reached out to his hand. Smiling through the pain, she knew it was the
end, she did! He was too much in pain, both physically and mentally to wonder
how she had the strength and love to forgive him. He survived! She didn’t!
‘You’re too drunk, you shouldn’t
drive’ her last words echoed in his mind a year later, as they sat next to the
same lake.
“Let it go now…” she smiled, placing
her hand over his.
“I can’t…” he pleaded, rubbing his
eyes and before he knew it she was gone!
