"What do you want to become"?
"Engineer! He will be an engineer."
"But what do you want to become"?
"Didn't I just say it? My son will be an engineer. He is great in Mathematics. There's a lot of scope for engineers these days. He will have a job even before he steps out of college, but I'll send him to US for higher education. He will take up a job there. He'll settle in the US and lead a good life. I'm going to be so proud of him"
--
"I want to study literature Dad."
"Literature! It has no scope in the market"
"But I like literature"
"Well, liking it isn't going to help you pay your bills or feed your kids in the future"
--
"Dance is for people who aren't smart enough for anything else."
"But I am smart and I can dance too. What's wrong with that?"
"I didn't educate you so much for you to leave it all and become a dancer."
"Education made me wiser, dance made me happier"
"Happiness won't secure you a career. Don't get carried away by all that they show on T.V. Real life is not like that. You need to secure your future. Dance can't help you do that, a stable job or a business will."
"But I can build a career out of dancing too."
"You can dance all you want in your free time,but I'm not going to let you take it up full time"
--
Strikes a chord? Parents often go out of their way to give the best to their children, sometimes so much, that they end up crushing their dreams. Most times, all that a child needs is not guidance, but support. If your child can be old enough to vote for the fate of his country, he is old enough to chose his fate too. When you make decisions for your child, you unknowingly tell him that he isn't capable of taking decisions, even for his own life.
You definitely have seen the world and life better and want your child to learn from your experiences. When you force your child to follow a path that you know is the best for him, know that he is going to live your life, not his own. You may want to secure his future and provide the best for him, but what if he doesn't want the best? What if the best doesn't make him happy? There is nothing worse than the ghosts of unfulfilled dreams haunting your present. He will always have a little something troubling him in the back of his mind, wondering how would life turn had he not respected you so much and walked away from his passion. Every morning when he wakes up he'll wonder if he would have had to force himself to wake up had he been working in a field he loved. Every night when he goes to sleep, he'll have an incomplete feeling haunting him. All his hard work put into achieving success will have no value when he's not happy. You'll think you did the best for him when you see him earning a fat pay cheque, when he buys the latest car and a huge house. He may stop complaining, but he wont ever stop wondering. On his death bed, he won't have the fat cheque by his side, but he will have his regrets, regrets of not living life the way he wished. Is that what you would wish?
It's nice to show your child a path to walk on, but moulding that path your way isn't. Be there for your child, let him make mistakes and fall, but what if he doesn't? What if he is really good at what he believes is the field for him. Even if he isn't, let him fall and make mistakes. Remember, a messed up career is way better than a messed up life. You may be taking away his chance of being best in his choice of field and instead pushing him to be moderate in your choice of field. Nothing that's forced on someone can bring out the best in him.
Don't let your child be boggled by your expectation and the society's. Sometimes, all one needs is to be happy, not successful. Give them the gift of letting them follow their dreams, no matter how unsure you are. How else will he learn to fly? What would you rather want? Your child to be happy and do his best in a field he loves or be successful yet not able to enjoy it with regrets stacked in his head?
Don't convince your child to give up on his dreams, convince yourself to stand by him instead.
P.S. This holds true for a doting parent's son or daughter.
